We're facebook friends in real life
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
These tits shall not be calmed
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
