His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
