I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
