why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you had me at cake vodka
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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