What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
God I need to hump something, right now.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
