Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
