end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
