she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
