And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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