so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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