hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
