just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
