someone threw a dead crab at me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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