I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
