i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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