no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
