I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
