I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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