I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
time to smoke my breakfast
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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