I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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