i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
