The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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