Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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