the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
