Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
