Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
