My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
