After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
