Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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