So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
