I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
