I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
