quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
