It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
