too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
