i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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