I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
