i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
