My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
