You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
