I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
