you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
