she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
