bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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