today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
