just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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