You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When are your genitals available?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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