I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
