Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
