You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
