I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
